Let me buy a ticket

Good Sunday. Let’s see how easy it is to buy a ticket for an event on your phone in 2021, from the comfort of your bed where you are enjoying a well-deserved lie-in.

It’s 9:50 on a Sunday morning and I’m still in bed - rather unusual as for once, I’m not in my excitable child mode, fearing that I’m missing out if not constantly active. Facebook flashes an ad for “An Evening with Nigella Lawson” at the Southbank Centre. Now that’s a lady whom I’d love to spend an evening with. Well-spoken, lushly feminine, maker of rich, life-affirming food (which is not two pieces of extra vegan beetroot in the middle of a massive plate). So, let’s go. The Southbank Centre website looks well designed and is likely to have Apple Pay - I’m not prepared to leave my bed and look for my plastic card and its “long number”.
We begin with seat selection. I know that these interfaces were created for desktop (like, 10 years ago) but the Southbank is making it extra difficult. I literally need to be Ilko Needlehands in order to select one of the minuscule circles signifying a seat. Anyway, job done. Get on with it. The ticket is pricy for a night of chit chat but hey, it’s Nigella.
Now I need to jump through the hoops of cross sell, up-sell, extortion and everything else. Do I want a subscription to the Southbank centre? No, there’s usually one event a year I’m interested in, for which I’m happy to buy a ticket (tap on close button).
Do I want to donate to the SB? Not today. I’m an avid supporter of the events sector and culture in general but this is an expensive ticket, so I’ll opt out. I can’t close the panel. I have to unselect the preselected donation and then choose 0.
We have established that I only want the product I came to purchase - my Nigella night ticket. Can I please do this? Ok, good. Keep smiling.
We proceed to login. Thankfully my wild guess of a password is functional and I’m in. Of course, my address is from another epoch and needs changing. I’m offered to either use the postcode look-up or type in the first line and search. As expected, the postcode look-up doesn’t diver the correct result. The letter A in my address, extension the house number, is not loved by databases. I then try the first line “manual” type approach. “We couldn’t find your query. Try modifying your query” Seriously Southbank? 1986 data search lingo? I know this is likely to be a “third-party utility” plugged into your website yet you are the home of humanity and culture - a slight intervention in the “code” and a human tone for your results & error handling would make a world of difference.
Finally, we get to the payment section. No Apple / Google pay. I’m asked for a card “long” number, an expiry date and all the rest.
So, I give up. I want to stay in bed even longer and miss out on even more exhilarating events, people, places, things. Too bad for Nigella. I guess I’ll have to see her on telly. For free.

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